with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
