so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
