My room smells like vodka and shame
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
