I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
