dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize