Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
