did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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