You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize