i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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