i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
