oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
