Who wears a wallet chain?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
