i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
