I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
