Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
