I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
