Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
