There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
