Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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