i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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