So drunk, too bad you don't want this
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
