I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you guys were way drunker than both of me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
