there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Boobs are out for the taking
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
