If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
