I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
did i just pee glitter
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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