Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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