he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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