who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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