WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
