they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
