Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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