Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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