We named our party play list daddy issues
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
