Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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