i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
