its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
