Me. At least after what I've been through.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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