hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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