I think my fart just growled at me.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
