I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
