just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it's like iHOP with fire
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
