I can tuck mytits in my pants
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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