remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
