Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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