i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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