Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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