using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
