It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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