Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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