Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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