After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
