saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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