"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
