Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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