you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
