Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
