I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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