where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
