i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
