small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
