He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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