So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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