I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
