He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
