Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
