i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
