She said her name was "party"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize