airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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