Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
