I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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