id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
