Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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