Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
