she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you never un-have a 4some
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