Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You made out with two different species that night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
