the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
