new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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