When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can you bring me the toilet please
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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