i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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