I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
