3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize