I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Found your dick twin last night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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