One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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