I wish I could punch you in the face.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize