Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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