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Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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