The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
