i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I need moral support for this bender
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize