thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She told me I should be a condom model.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
