I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
