Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
