Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
