There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
