epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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