How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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