So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
