I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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