I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
