Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You are a genius and a whore.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
