so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
