i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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