Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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