dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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